No one relates.

The people ive spent my whole life with
Don't know me
I'm like a old book with no pages
They can't read me
Or better yet,don't bother to open
People I hold conversations with daily are blind
They can't see me
The guy in the mirror i see once in a blue moon
Swears he knows me
But he can't relate to me.

her bday card

Its prodigious how much of a great blessing she is
She shines brighter than a full moon,right above where the sea is
My heart could never withdraw,She leaves me in a state of awe
Perfect picture are we,something that the gods could draw
Her freckles resembles the surface of the moon's spots
Her real name is Artemis,resting on the moon's top
I would give up anything,to preserve her in my era
Shes by my side,how could an era be better
And her petite beauty marks,are like the dots of art
Cause she's the god's master piece
And when Im with her I surpass heaven and nirvana
And attain a great master's peace
I aspire she keeps feeding me love till i become obese
We're an heavenly couple,zues and juno,like the gods of Greece
We shall never cease,and her supremacy reign
Halts in my brain
And tell me Artemis,why make it rain?
When your streams of light can pierce and slice
Through those grey clouds of doubt.

Social Worker's Words

"Its a great thing to be as honest as you are,and when you put your all into things,you're able to move mountains.Think about the lives you've saved from the things you've done.You're worth a lot to the world than what you think"

Dream Speech.

I was dying a slow death in my last nightmare.
And what I said while dying stayed in my head and i felt that i should write it.

Now,it was late at night and I was walking home,and i smelt like girl
Not pussy lol but like,some girl's perfume.
So im walking and someone gets out of a white car
and just shoots me repeatably.
And the bullets pierce my flesh in slow motion
And I start to collapse in slow motion as well.
Then its back to normal motion and the car's tires screech
and drive off.This is what i say.

Damn..What the fuck just happened?
Damn man,shit,fuck..DAMN!
Im dead.
Nah chill man I can't die yet,i only lived for 17 years.
What about my mother and her problems with the rent and bills?
What about my little sister and her future problems in highschool?
What about the girls i loved?
Well..I guess it ain't shit between me and them if the term i use is loved.
I bet half of them wont even miss me,they'll probably get over it over some sleep.
I cant lie,i do try my best,maybe im meant to be alone or some shit.
....
...
Why the fuck am I talking about girls while im dying?!
Nah but chill,my main bitch is real
I would marry her..Nah im bugging.
I knew those dreams ive been having were soon going to become true.
But damn,why the fuck i had to get shot? this shit burns.
My brother died over a tumor,why me bullets?
It sucks i wont get to see him though,since he was christian and all
I guess hes in heaven and shit
And imma burn in hell.
Shit that sucks..Hmm
Im going to create an army down there to try to over throw the devil
And then I could run hell and make it a alright place.
Damn,why am I still alive,this death shit is taking for ever.
I havent accomplished shit in my life man.
Im a nobody,i wont be remembered like sean bell or some shit
My death ain't gon be shit dawg.
I bet you this nigga Al Sharpten or w.e his name is aint gonna be on tv for me
Nope
They just going to put me on the news if im lucky
As some Teen in the Bronx,Shot multiple times
And dies
And then they'll cut it off and go to some wall street crises bullshit.
I aint even have real friends while living.
I wonder where im going right now
Damn I really wanted to have 8 kids
And a bangin wife
With a tight pussy
And a nice butt and little boobs.
And then when I was old,have a biggg thanksgiving dinner all the time.
Damn son.
Fuck.
FUCK!
Woah..ok..im not breathing
I thinkkk this is it.
Damn,i wish i go to heaven
Or somewhere peaceful,thats fine too.


and yeap.
thats where i past away and i dont remember anything else.

My troat hurts

From holding back these expired tears.
I haven't shed one in so long
Till today
Till right now
I forgot how it felt to feel
Warm flows of sorrow water
Streaming from my eyes
Flowing to the peek of my cheek bones
And falling like a water fall
Landing on my jeans
Now they're landing on my keyboard
So goodbye for now.

Freewrite to her

From time to time,i see my self gazing
Staring at you're beauty
Which means im staring at you from
the beginning of your hair that connects to your scalp
to the very end of your toe nails

Cause in reality i find everything on you and everything about you beautiful.

Your hugs and kisses take me to a place
a place of pure happiness and joy
and it makes me never want to leave

Maybe its too soon
maybe its not

Your voice over the telephone on late nights
Slowly creep into my eardrums
and break their self into my brain
and then create an image
an image of beauteous
an image of exquisite
an image of beauty
an image of you

And I would really give anything to take us back
To take us back to that very night not too long ago
Where we held each other so closely
and exchanged captivating looks
and i supplied your forehead,cheeks,and neck
with smooth tender kisses

But from time to time i also realize
these words i write or say
mean nothing to you;
You're caught up on the failed ones mistakes and lies
and for some reason they never seem to leave your mind
and thats the sad part

B.I.G Kaleidoscope

B.I.G. Kaleidoscope from joelaz on Vimeo.

Magical [Free write about some emotions]

So after all these days,weeks,months
I think I finally found a girl that has the potential to roll with me
Shes basically everything I want in a girl.

And she laughs at my jokes even if their not funny
and dares to break night with me on the phone
and shit.

She shines like the blazing sun
and her smile makes me smile

She could be my goddess
She could be my Aphrodite
Cause she is the goddess of beauty.

And i catch myself telling her beautiful words i have NEVER
EVER in my life told a human being.
And even though she doesn't believe when i tell her that
and always says "they all say that" or "thats hard to believe"
I don't care,cause i know im not lying.

And these beautiful words i tell this girl are truly magical
magical like her voice that smooths down time for me
magical like her body,that hypnotizes me
magical like her eyes,which i could see myself gazing through for hours
magical like her beautiful lips,which i have yet to kiss,but i know their soft like the petals of flowers

Ella es mi tesoro.

Daydreams.

gazing...

gazing thru this icy window pane

dreaming

with eyes wide open

dreaming of one
to be the heaven to my hell

to have

to hold

to carry the world for
until i break

over and over

only to collapse at her feet
and die in her arms
as she stares thru
the window of my soul

and along with myself

glow

with a feeling of content



she walks in slow strides
and brightens the sky


her laugh

a melody carried on by the wind
one that repetes in sober thought

her sunshine smile
that illuminates my spirit

her angel eyes
that pierce through my soul

her soft, succulent..
rosey lips

to kiss
and exchange
this feeling of happiness
and glee


if only to hold

to have

to feel

forever more..




and in an instant...

my state of euphoria



depletes...

and i find myself

staring

at

what is out of reach...

so i pray
that in due time
i may once grasp.....
and hold tight...

..to these daydreams

Untiled.

I would hardly hold ya hands and barely be sweet to you
and if i kiss you it'll be in a fresh way.
And if i touch you it'll be in a sexual way
in public or not.

You would hardly hear from me,cause most of the time
I'll be gone and you wont find me.
But i kind of like that,cause when i come back
you'll be missing me for ever more.

I would have other girls
but maybe you'll be my number one bitch.
Just maybe though.

I'm a mystery
and you wont know much about me.
And that alone
will have you hooked.

You wont figure me out
ever.

And i wouldn't send you roses
cause I'm a grimey nigga
and straight disrespect bitches.

So therefore,maybe for your birthday
or any holiday,
you'll get fucked hard.

Then maybe after being together for awhile
I'll probably start changing.
Thats only if you have the potential to do so.
Not saying its you're job to change me though.

Maybe I'll cut it down to 3 girls
and maybe i'll start taking you out.

Maybe I'll hold ya hand and kiss it
and maybe I'll stop cursing so much and start being a gentlemen to you.

,,,well no not maybe.
I'll never be a gentlemen.

And after a few years I'll propose in a place you wouldn't even expect it
and it'll bring tears of joy to your eyes.

then maybe we'll get married
and you still haven't figured me out.

Still I'm fresh and horny like a 12 year old boy
and still I'm nasty and rude and don't give a fuck.

And just like when we were teens,
ya parents STILL hate me.

But maybe I'll change after awhile and fall deeply in love.
Then I would gaze at your beauty while you sleep
and count the beautiful eyelashes on your eyelid.

And even though their just eyelids ill still think their beautiful
because their on you and i find everything about you to be beautiful.
And then if you get cellulites on your thighs i wouldn't care.

Maybe ill text you at work like when we were teens and send lil text hearts like this
"x333"
and i know it would make you smile.

Maybe you'll be the only one i finally trust.
Then begin our takeover of the world.

Maybe get up to 30 yrs of marriage
and then ask for a divorce.

Go our separate ways

but on the down load I'll still be fucking the shit out of you
just like we did when we were younger.

and at the end of it all

I would still be a mystery
and you wouldn't of still figured me out

and then you would realize that

You not knowing who i truly am
just kept you around

so around that at our demise,
our graves would be next to each other.

One of my greatest lost

My brother past away
and life hasn't been the same since.
Its like life is going by so slow and all i feel is pain
the days are short
but the nights happen to be sooo long.

I promised him i will save him and i broke that promise
but its only because his mother wasn't even thinking.

I walk around now pretending im alright but in reality im not.
but i dont want no one to know how much pain i feel.

on top of my brothers death i have other issues
and its just not getting easy for me.

I feel like im living with no soul
no life at all.

Bad news part 2

I was lied to.
My father isn't bringing my brother to ny to get checked out.

My brothers is currently waiting for death.
and theres nothing i could do.

The doctors told him he has 6 months to 1 year to live.
My pops said he might die in like 1 month.

Hes really skinny now
and is vomiting waste from his own mouth.
thats fucking shit.from your mouth.

idk whats going to happen.
i love my brother so fucking much
idk.idk.idk.idfk.

why my brother?
why not some rapist thats in jail that has done wrong in life.

why a innocent person who loves everyone and always smiling?
i was glad when i got news my brothers a lot better a month ago.

and the doctors wont do shit.they saying its too late.
but i bet if it was the presidents child they would've saved him.
what right do they have to let a life past away?
none.

this shit isn't fair at all.

Its time.

I've had a change a life in the few past months.

I decided to leave the gang crap
Stop with the drugs shit
And stop started shit with people and trying to fight them

I also decided to stop fighting unless i REALLY needed to.


But i recently notice that i haven't changed 150%
i still have this attitude of a angry person wanting to break everyones face

A person that just wants to fuck up the people he has problems with
a person that just doesn't give a fuck if he hurts millions

and i dont really want to be a person like that

i seriously want people to say that obz is a great person,loving and kind.

so thats my goal.

thnk you for reading
^__^

Sneakers.

Ok.So this is going to a short one.

But holy fucking shit.
People are literally spending their lives and choosing sneakers as a life.

Who gives TWO fucks about what sneakers you got that no one else has.
Dude,they go on your feet and the bottom touches the pavement.

A dirty one! With black old gum. and all that crap.

And if you tell me you spent over $200 on sneakers,you're a fucking idiot man.

Its like now everywhere i go,the 1st thing people look at is you're feet.
You HYPEBEAST mother fuckers have no life at all.
omfg.

Sorry to all my friends that are hypebeast but,you fuckers dont have lives niether.
^__^

Fuck ____

I came across a video where one of my favorite actors talks about new york city.
talks about how he hates it and etc.
and ive decided to make one of my own




Fuck people with their religion.
Theres a whole lot of religion and who the fuck are you to tell me which one will send me to heaven,nirvana,or any other fucking happy place.
Fuck the lady on the bus that starts preaching out loud about jesus coming soon and how everyone must become catholic.
Catholic churches are corrupt and change the bible and do everything the bible says no to.
Fuck Dominicans and their over ego pride.
Mother fuckers stop wearing flags.Your parade isin't due yet.
Fuck Puerto Ricans and their conceited asses.
No you're not perfect you stupid fucks.
Fuck Asian people and their shit talking in their own language.
that still don't know how to speak English.
Fuck these black people who talk about racism.
Mother fucker you was not alive, slavery ended ages ago.Move the fuck on.
Fuck white people think their better then everyone.
Suck dick and choke on it you preppy motherfuckers.
Fuck new york i fucking hate this city and everything in it.
Fuck new jersey too.
Fuck shady mta employees who wont let people through if they already used their metro on the wrong side.
Fuck bus drivers who wont let me on when i forgot my metro or lost it.
Fuck stupid cab drivers from Washington heights that don't drive to the Bronx.
Fuck people who don't like graffiti.
Fuck graffiti writers who think their legends and shit.
Fuck the niggas i considered brothers and when im down and out don't help me.
Fuck my ex that stupid bitch i gave my heart to and stabbed me in the back
You idiot.Couldn't realize you had something good but fuck it
Life does go on and its just you're biggest lost.
And fuck her friend who i helped out with their issues
and then when she deaded me they started talking shit behind my back.
Ya bitches can burn in hell along with her.
Fuck posers.
Fuck people who label themselves emo and cut their wrists to get attention.
Fuck teachers who tell me to get a GED and to leave school.
FUCK THOSE PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF MY FOR ALL MY PIERCINGS
AND NOW WANT TO GET THE SAME PIERCINGS
YOU DUMB SONS OF A FUCKING BITCHES.
Fuck good looking girls who think their the shit
Be serious bitch,all these niggas just want to fuck your pussy and bounce
so don't treat people horrible.
Fuck bitches who get mad at me for liking another girl
and then they stop talking to me.
Fuck gangs
Fuck the bloods the crips the latin kings and everything else.
Fuck those who betrayed me in bloods and latin kings.
Fuck people who give more about miley cirus having sexy pics
or about jamie lynn spears being pregnat
and dont care about other important shit like how sooner or later the government is going the control our lives.
Fuck society
Fuck the government
Fuck the upper hand.
Fuck the cops.
Fuck the girls who ive liked and then when i put trust in them fuck it all up.
Fuck depression and fuck loneliness.
Fuck people who hurt animals and abuse them etc.
Fuck the young teens on the train who talk about selling candy
I dont give a shit about a basketball team or you staying out of trouble.
Fuck the parents who abuse their children at home or in public and
fuck the ones who do nothing to stop it.
And fuck this free writing shit
And fuck you if you got offended by it
and overall
Fuck me.

Fuck them.

Things seem to go back to the way they use to be
Its type hard when a person that smiles in your face
blames shit on you and you get all back turned on

My parents don't put my sis in line,so i do
shes only 13 and little bitch thinks she can talk to anyone
the way she wants
tlk shit to people that protect her
dumb ass bitch

thats why when she grows up shes gnna put my parents through hell
and i hopefully wont even be here or ever visit.
i dont want to hear from them
dont want to know from them

i have no family
family doesnt do shit like that
on the real

im a loner here
and fuck it im fine with that

fuck them
fuckthem
fuckthemall.

Yael Naim - Toxic

Best version in my opinion.

Yael Naim - New Soul

I freaking love this song and vid!
Listen to it
Watch it
Love it!

Lost In Feelings

I sometimes feel i have no heart at all
I could give two fucks about a bitch's feelings or thoughts
Cause on the real, all i got for bitches is dick and disrespect
Theres no such thing as wifeys

But then again i miss having someone there due to the fact
thats i've been alone since out the womb.
I had a partner there and i wasn't alone anymore
And sometimes i would kill to have that again [not with her.]

But this lonesome is my strength.
And its all that i got,and i think its enough.

Then again when a girl likes me i drift apart
Because i just cant have these close intentions or relationships
And i refuse to know me or understand me
I/m also not just use to it
I don't know how to act around a girl as a boyfriend
its so new to me. >_<

But fuck it.Fuck bitches.
And i say bitches because
I haven't reached an age where women got the mental capacity to be with a man for the long haul
Women change their mind faster than a dude can blink ,
and they never know what they want , not in high school , not even in early college.

Me Random.

So yeah,i have nooo idea why im still tanned like a motherfucker.
I got a farmers tan to put on top of it all.


thats not me.but you get the main idea.

movingon.
i just relized ive been going to queens mall shit for no reason
theres a 2 floor hottopic even closer.
but i have no idea where the fuck its at!
blah.

idk why people think being blood or reppin it is cool.
bloods aint cool nigga. i know blood niggas what will cutt ya child's face!
i hope all ya get pressed by some crazy blood niggas.

and is it me or like people talk mad shit about me on the train.
like i got on it today and a group of people [girls and boys] was mumbling
then looking at my tight pants and monroe piercing

like nigga come on,ill whip that ass
chill daddy.
dont let the papi long legs fool you son.


i want to live freely
like a nomad
and say fuck you to everyone
and the world.

i hate my a.d.d a lot!
thank god i can stay still for like 30 mins atleast
but my focus mind thingy is like WAYY THE FUCK OFF
also my memory omfg
thanks pott.

why am i such a sexual person.
seriously
i hate it
sex is always on my mind
always
its like im still a 11-13 yr ol boy
thats would smash anything w. legs and vagine.
shits crazy.

Sane Much?

So my brother is getting better
and im saving his life by having people finally listen to me

and having him come here to NY to get checked out
cause deadass come on,fuck docs in DR.

My pops is going down there this saturday to bring him here.
So im more calm,everything seems solid.

I also think i like a girl? idk what it feels like anymore >_<
its been so long
but i do know she makes me smile like a little pussy
and i do be missing her

ew lol.
wierd.

Tomorrow i meet up with shawn at 5 points.Photography shit.I think thats what im going to be doing
alll the time lol fuck myspace and aim.

Faith

I do have faith that my brother will get better
I do have faith in miracle and I do believe in them
I do have faith in better times

Last night was so long and depressing
All I could think about was my brother

I don't really seek much help from individuals or my net friends
because one,most don't really care and two,they wouldn't know to say but
"pray to god,he'll be ok,dont worry about it"

well one i dont pray to god,i cant just pray to him now because i need him
then stop praying if my brother gets better

two, he'll be ok? its a old tumor in his stomach,meaning cancer
doctors said them selves its "too late"
my only hope is on a miracle

three, don't worry about it? STFU!

July 4th 2008/Horrible Day

My brother got a tumor
and my father told me its too late for him
the doctors said theres nothing they could do
its too late for him

If doctors could do surgery on an indian 2 yr old girl with 8 limbs
then doctors could help my brother

its not too late for him.
nobody listens

Retro played OUT

Come on seriously though
It is

i was having a long conversation with my boy Justin,and he as well agreed.
It was cool for the 1st few months when it was in style but damn.
Ya dont stop at all!

i still to this day see dudes w. tight red ass pants with rope chains and retro caps.
with the glasses w.o lens.

smfh

come on,step ya game up
and keep banging pussiessssss.

GoodLuckChuck to GoodLuckObz?

Ok so I've been noticing lately that every girl i like
or every girl that likes me

ends up not getting with me [due to the fact that idk what I want yet lol]
and then finds their "soul mates"

and I'm NOT kidding,like seriously
every girl right now that I've liked or has confessed they like me
is in a serious relationship and is in love -__-

But chuck got to marry Jessica Alba sooo
maybe I'll marry Cassie ^__^
or some cool rocker chick with tats and is a nympho

Haha why not?

Life so far.

Freaking blows.
Its so boringggg and theres nothing to do

Its like my life is on a limit
Maybe im just to scared to live yet?

Blah -__- idk.