Freewrite to her

From time to time,i see my self gazing
Staring at you're beauty
Which means im staring at you from
the beginning of your hair that connects to your scalp
to the very end of your toe nails

Cause in reality i find everything on you and everything about you beautiful.

Your hugs and kisses take me to a place
a place of pure happiness and joy
and it makes me never want to leave

Maybe its too soon
maybe its not

Your voice over the telephone on late nights
Slowly creep into my eardrums
and break their self into my brain
and then create an image
an image of beauteous
an image of exquisite
an image of beauty
an image of you

And I would really give anything to take us back
To take us back to that very night not too long ago
Where we held each other so closely
and exchanged captivating looks
and i supplied your forehead,cheeks,and neck
with smooth tender kisses

But from time to time i also realize
these words i write or say
mean nothing to you;
You're caught up on the failed ones mistakes and lies
and for some reason they never seem to leave your mind
and thats the sad part

B.I.G Kaleidoscope

B.I.G. Kaleidoscope from joelaz on Vimeo.

Magical [Free write about some emotions]

So after all these days,weeks,months
I think I finally found a girl that has the potential to roll with me
Shes basically everything I want in a girl.

And she laughs at my jokes even if their not funny
and dares to break night with me on the phone
and shit.

She shines like the blazing sun
and her smile makes me smile

She could be my goddess
She could be my Aphrodite
Cause she is the goddess of beauty.

And i catch myself telling her beautiful words i have NEVER
EVER in my life told a human being.
And even though she doesn't believe when i tell her that
and always says "they all say that" or "thats hard to believe"
I don't care,cause i know im not lying.

And these beautiful words i tell this girl are truly magical
magical like her voice that smooths down time for me
magical like her body,that hypnotizes me
magical like her eyes,which i could see myself gazing through for hours
magical like her beautiful lips,which i have yet to kiss,but i know their soft like the petals of flowers

Ella es mi tesoro.

Daydreams.

gazing...

gazing thru this icy window pane

dreaming

with eyes wide open

dreaming of one
to be the heaven to my hell

to have

to hold

to carry the world for
until i break

over and over

only to collapse at her feet
and die in her arms
as she stares thru
the window of my soul

and along with myself

glow

with a feeling of content



she walks in slow strides
and brightens the sky


her laugh

a melody carried on by the wind
one that repetes in sober thought

her sunshine smile
that illuminates my spirit

her angel eyes
that pierce through my soul

her soft, succulent..
rosey lips

to kiss
and exchange
this feeling of happiness
and glee


if only to hold

to have

to feel

forever more..




and in an instant...

my state of euphoria



depletes...

and i find myself

staring

at

what is out of reach...

so i pray
that in due time
i may once grasp.....
and hold tight...

..to these daydreams

Untiled.

I would hardly hold ya hands and barely be sweet to you
and if i kiss you it'll be in a fresh way.
And if i touch you it'll be in a sexual way
in public or not.

You would hardly hear from me,cause most of the time
I'll be gone and you wont find me.
But i kind of like that,cause when i come back
you'll be missing me for ever more.

I would have other girls
but maybe you'll be my number one bitch.
Just maybe though.

I'm a mystery
and you wont know much about me.
And that alone
will have you hooked.

You wont figure me out
ever.

And i wouldn't send you roses
cause I'm a grimey nigga
and straight disrespect bitches.

So therefore,maybe for your birthday
or any holiday,
you'll get fucked hard.

Then maybe after being together for awhile
I'll probably start changing.
Thats only if you have the potential to do so.
Not saying its you're job to change me though.

Maybe I'll cut it down to 3 girls
and maybe i'll start taking you out.

Maybe I'll hold ya hand and kiss it
and maybe I'll stop cursing so much and start being a gentlemen to you.

,,,well no not maybe.
I'll never be a gentlemen.

And after a few years I'll propose in a place you wouldn't even expect it
and it'll bring tears of joy to your eyes.

then maybe we'll get married
and you still haven't figured me out.

Still I'm fresh and horny like a 12 year old boy
and still I'm nasty and rude and don't give a fuck.

And just like when we were teens,
ya parents STILL hate me.

But maybe I'll change after awhile and fall deeply in love.
Then I would gaze at your beauty while you sleep
and count the beautiful eyelashes on your eyelid.

And even though their just eyelids ill still think their beautiful
because their on you and i find everything about you to be beautiful.
And then if you get cellulites on your thighs i wouldn't care.

Maybe ill text you at work like when we were teens and send lil text hearts like this
"x333"
and i know it would make you smile.

Maybe you'll be the only one i finally trust.
Then begin our takeover of the world.

Maybe get up to 30 yrs of marriage
and then ask for a divorce.

Go our separate ways

but on the down load I'll still be fucking the shit out of you
just like we did when we were younger.

and at the end of it all

I would still be a mystery
and you wouldn't of still figured me out

and then you would realize that

You not knowing who i truly am
just kept you around

so around that at our demise,
our graves would be next to each other.

One of my greatest lost

My brother past away
and life hasn't been the same since.
Its like life is going by so slow and all i feel is pain
the days are short
but the nights happen to be sooo long.

I promised him i will save him and i broke that promise
but its only because his mother wasn't even thinking.

I walk around now pretending im alright but in reality im not.
but i dont want no one to know how much pain i feel.

on top of my brothers death i have other issues
and its just not getting easy for me.

I feel like im living with no soul
no life at all.

Bad news part 2

I was lied to.
My father isn't bringing my brother to ny to get checked out.

My brothers is currently waiting for death.
and theres nothing i could do.

The doctors told him he has 6 months to 1 year to live.
My pops said he might die in like 1 month.

Hes really skinny now
and is vomiting waste from his own mouth.
thats fucking shit.from your mouth.

idk whats going to happen.
i love my brother so fucking much
idk.idk.idk.idfk.

why my brother?
why not some rapist thats in jail that has done wrong in life.

why a innocent person who loves everyone and always smiling?
i was glad when i got news my brothers a lot better a month ago.

and the doctors wont do shit.they saying its too late.
but i bet if it was the presidents child they would've saved him.
what right do they have to let a life past away?
none.

this shit isn't fair at all.